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  • Writer's pictureColleen

Dead birdies, chicken nuggets, and other intense topics

Shit got REAL this weekend. First, I took the girls to Shake Shack after they patiently let me shop in Athleta for all of 17 minutes. (There was actually zero patience involved and one of them left with a bruise on her head because the other one smacked her with the movable dressing room mirror. Fun stuff). So we're on our way to Shake Shack for lunch and Belle discovered that she'd lost her red pencil. Red is her favorite color and the pencil was tucked safely inside her red purse, but now it was gone and she insisted we retrace our steps and search the store and the sidewalks. So after 10 minutes of this nonsense I found a toy store and bought a new set of &uck*ng pencils. Then we sit down for lunch and she says "oh my gosh mom, you were right. It's right here in the bottom of my purse!"

I mean, I get it, I lose shit in my purse every day. So I let this one slide.

We get our food and Rosie starts playing with a light fixture. Naturally, Belle joins in and now I'm annoyed.

"Belle, eat your chicken please. If you eat, Rosie will eat."

(examines chicken nugget)

"Mom. Hold on....chicken like real CHICKEN?"

"Yes, Belle."

"Like this is a chicken that got dead and now I'm eating it's body?"

"ummm, yes."


Cue Rosie: "ew! chicken!"

So now they're both probably vegetarians. Who don't eat vegetables. I give up on trying to feed these people. Seriously.


So then we get home and we're playing outside and B finds a dead bird.

ME: "Oh, no, that's so sad."

B: "How did it get dead?"

ME: "It probably flew into the window by mistake. We should either bury it or put it in the woods. Which do you think?"

B: "Why would we do that?"

ME: "Because if we leave it here, someone might step on it and that's gross. If we bury it, it'll start to break down and become part of the earth again."

B: "Like compost! Ok, let's bury it....."

*ponders while I dig a tiny hole*

B: "Mom, wouldn't it be so funny if a person died and you buried them in the ground? That would be so silly."

First I'm horrified and totally creeped out that my kid thinks anything about dying is funny, but then I'm also thinking to myself do I tell her that we do in fact bury people in the ground? Nope. Dodge the bullet. She's too young. Focus on the bird.

ME: "Ok, let's say a prayer so the birdie goes off to heaven."

B: "Mom, how does it go to heaven if we buried it in the ground?"


ME: "Well its body doesn't go to heaven, just its soul."

(Looks confused. As am I. Why am I even talking about souls with a 4 year old?)

B: "No mom, the whole body goes there. Just like people do."

Luckily Rosie took one for the team and dumped a bucket of water all over herself so the conversation ended and we all went inside for dinner. Now I'm googling "parenting convos for Dummies" and "books about real life parenting shit" and "how to answer kid questions about dead birds and people."

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May 10, 2019

I'm seriously sitting on the couch, laughing out loud.

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