So, technically this is a threesome, right?

My mom was a well-known radio personality in Boston for over 20 years. Growing up, everyone knew her name because her voice was everywhere. When she wasn't on the air, she was doing voiceovers. By the time I got to high school I didn't even notice it anymore. Her voice would be talking through the speakers at CVS or the post office, the sandwich shop, in the cars of all my friends parents, but I didn't even notice it until someone would say "hey, that's your mom!" and I'd usually roll my eyes and say "yup, she's everywhere."

Fast forward to the Big Day: Ben and I were ready to try our first IUI procedure. The ultrasound showed that I had two eggs that were ready for fertilization. My instructions were to go home and wait for a box to arrive. In the box was one shot on dry ice. I was supposed to give myself the shot in the stomach before bed and then go to the doctors office the following morning for the procedure. Ben came home from work and I showed him everything and told him what we were supposed to do. The instructions included a link to a YouTube video that would show me how to give the shot correctly. Ben went to the gym and I watched the video.

"With a dart like motion, insert the entire needle at a 90 degree angle."

"MOM!?"

(have a listen if you'd like)

That's right. There was my mom telling me how to give myself the shot that would supposedly help me get pregnant. I couldn't believe it. Literally this shit only happens to me. I don't know one single other person who would hear their mothers voice at a time like this. But there she was, right when I didn't even know I needed to hear her voice.

The next morning I was a bundle of nerves. I had no idea what to expect. The doctors office gave us a lovely little cup for my husbands contribution to the process and our instructions were to put the cup in a tube sock (for warmth) and then keep it in our coat next to our chest so it would stay the same temp as the body. Nice. So here I am appearing to be smuggling semen into an OBs office because of course he refuses to hold it. Next thing I know, the nurse is asking me if I want to see the sperm under the microscope, so I went to get Ben because I figured he'd want to see too.

Ben: nope. I'm good

Me: But it's so cool, and it's science!

Ben: Colleen. You're literally looking at my sperm under a microscope. I'm all set.

Ok, fine. So then the nurse explained the process to us. She'd use a syringe to get the sperm way up there close to the egg, then it would just do what it's supposed to do and hopefully fertilize the egg - or in this case, eggs. I had two that day, so I had to sign a form saying I was ok with having twins. OF COURSE I WAS. We wanted a baby so bad, we'd take two if that's what was meant to be. The process took only a few minutes and then I had to just lay still, partially tilted upside down for another 20 min.

So there we are: me, Ben and our female nurse Sam...who by the way, was gorgeous. Because, of course. And that's when Ben decides he's no longer shy. "So technically this is a threesome, right?" he says.

Making me laugh and finding humor exactly when I need it most is Ben's superpower.

This pic was taken only a few short weeks before we did IUI. On a beautiful beach in San Francisco. I think my most proud takeaway from our struggle with infertility is this: we never blamed each other. We fought together every single step of the way. We each had our own set of sadness and fear and grief and we respected that. We talked through all of it. Really, it's the only way we know how to be husband and wife and for that I'll always be proud.